I took a break from research this week to reach out to experts in the field - I reached out to several grief councillors as well as Gary Andrews.
Industry Expert - Gary Andrews
Gar Andrews is a former Disney Animator who started doing a doodle a day and uploading them to social media in 2015/16. In 2018 his wife suddenly passed away while he was on a work trip in Vancouver. [1] Gary kept doing the doodle a day and documented both the heartbreak and the lighter moments of the grief process. I thought this was the perfect case study when thinking about how art and storytelling can contribute to a new ritual to help people deal with grief.
I reached out to him via the email address I found on his website and the next morning he got back to me offering a Zoom conversation! Here is the contact:
I arranged the meeting then had Gary sign the consent form to confirm I can use his interviews in my research.
Below is the conversation I had with Gary, in two parts as he had a knock at the door!
"People use it as a sort of whatever point they're in they go into it to see the waves and the journey, the ups and downs. So when they're in a down they can see that there's ups and it seems to be helpful for people."
"It's humbling that it helps people. It makes Joy's death seem so much less pointless. It's a high price to pay but if you get something good come out of something tragic, I can't think of a better thing to get out of it"
"I started keeping a doodle diary. It was my last thing at night ritual. Then Joy died and I kept doing it because it became part of my process. I then became quickly aware it had become a self counselling technique"
"It's a way to remember what happened that day. We take so many photos but you can't photograph a feeling or an emotion. I wanted to capture those moments. When she died it became overwhelmingly about grief and solo parenting."
"Going to a counsellor is just telling stories with someone there to help you unlock that"
"It keeps Joy very present. We talk about her on a daily basis"
There's that saying no one ever truly dies when they're spoken about. It keeps their memory alive with you and the spirit of them very present. Their essence rather than their spirit, who they were"
"It's important to honour those who have come before you"
"I've tried to practice what I call positive grieving. Which is basically yes you've had a loss but rather than bemoaning what you don't have I try and celebrate what I did have. I'm lucky, I had 19 years of perfection with this amazing woman and so many people don't get that"
Another ritual we have is every year around her birthday we used to have an open house party. I've kept that going it's still Joy's birthday open house day. What its become is a celebration of love and friendship and life. It's not so much about her birthday, it just in her memory we have this celebration"
"(The doodles) had become so much part of who I was I never considered stopping them. If anything it became more important to me. I don't intend to stop, as long as I have the marbles and the hand."
"I'm interested in interviewing the kids about it. There's a lot of books for kids about grief but not many by kids"
Gary's feedback on my workshops idea -
Brilliant!
You could include photos, drawings, tickets, stories, getting other people to send you things they remember and putting them in.
Could look at the facebook feed books - a company puts together everything from your posts, comments, everything. It's done for you in their own words.
It's something you could make and then leave until later to look back.
It's interesting to get other peoples thoughts.
I love the idea of an updated scrap book type thing.
It's a really good thing to do - people could take home and finish later but they have got their start.
"Creativity is so fundamentally tied to our emotions. To truly be creative you need to feel it. If grief is all tied in with emotions then finding a creative outlet has to be a good thing. It can be whatever you want it to be."
"I have actively kept away from a lot of grief stuff. I have my own personal approach to it. I'm not belittling it in any way but I have found the response to grief very personal"
Laughter was the bedrock of mine and Joy's relationship. I didn't want that laughter to stop"
"I don't think grief and humour are exclusive"
Gary's feedback on my book with an accompanying workbook idea -
Brilliant - some people don't know where to start.
It was a brilliant chat with Gary Andrews who provided some very welcome advice about dealing with grief through creativity, storytelling and space. Talking to someone I had admired for such a long time was slightly intimidating at first but he was such a chatty friendly person it didn't take me long to see it more as a conversation.
I thought it was really interesting when he spoke about Joy's death having meaning as it's helping other people. This is something I want to do with my project - while exploring my own grief in a creative way I want to help other people do the same as, as Gary says, creativity is fundamentally tied to our emotions and this could be an outlet for that.
Interviewing Gary was a great way to test my ideas and gain feedback from an industry expert and I think my project will be better for that. He gave some great insight into my ideas and has also agreed to feedback throughout this project. Such a great guy!
External Panel Review
The external panel review is fat approaching so I put together my presentation.
Text for presentation
Slide 1
Hello. My name is Courtney.
Slide 2
A little over a year ago I lost my Nan and it changed me forever. I noticed that almost all the rituals around grief were based in religion, and this is not something I believe in.
Slide 3
I am interested in how I can transform rituals of grief in the UK for current, more secular times. I want to investigate the ways people grieve and how I can design something that will help them with this process.
Slide 4
Space and storytelling came up time and time again during my research as the two most important things to people struggling with grief.
Slide 5
Castle and Phillips conducted a study on grief rituals that concluded “professional counselling was rated less helpful compared to sharing stories about the deceased with others”.
Slide 6
French writer, photographer, installation artist, and conceptual artist Sophie Calle used space to explore death with her installation Rachel, Monique. She set up a funeral scene with a video of the last 11 minutes of her mother’s life on video in the background. She uses space to explore her grief which made me think about how important it for space to be considered in this project. Whether that is physical space or emotional space to explore their feelings in a safe and productive way.
Slide 7
From this research I did a crazy eight design sprint to explore my ideas around the subject of grief. From this I narrowed it down to three ideas –
Memory maps – either done from home or in a workshop environment, people can create maps of places that mean a lot to them and include memories of the loved one they lost.
Illustrator Workshops – An environment where people can gather, talk about their loved one and write down their stories. An illustrator would be there on hand to help people use art to express their feelings in the book.
Exhibition of memories - curated exhibition of artists/illustrators/designer’s response to grief and personal memories with a section where people can add their own memories to a map.
Slide 8
The idea I am currently developing is Workshops with an illustrator. Gary Andrews an Animator who documented the loss of his wife in illustration when asked if it was difficult to do, commented “not doing it would have felt harder, getting a feeling down on paper (either positive or negative) allowed me to process and move on past that.”
Slide 9
I found in my research that people valued handwriting – from Peony Gent to Simon Moreton, their projects included a lot of handwriting and hand drawing, possibly making us feel close to the person and allowing them to express their grief in a more personal way.
Slide 10
I think processing grief in such a personal way can be valuable and helping people do this and create a book of memories combines storytelling and space to offer people a safe place to share memories of the person they love and hear other people’s stories who are going through a similar thing.
Slide 11
In my research I have realised the importance of space and storytelling which in turn leads to keeping these memories of people alive. This workshop project would be for people who want to remember everything about a person – like smells, sounds and stories and tell other people about them. The illustrator could also act as a facilitator for these discussions and be on hand to help with creative processes.
Slide 12
I know in this project I can’t make people feel okay, Simon Moreton, author of Where? said of his father, “his death left a huge hole in my life, but like a hole in a spiders’ web, the monumentality of mending that hole becomes only apparent after you see the complexity of the structure that’s been broken. So, you don’t mend the hole - you just make peace with it.” I hope a new ritual could bring a little peace to people struggling to deal with their own grief.
Slide 13
Thank you. I am happy to answer any questions.
Slides
Feedback from my external review -
Workshops is a really nice idea - it combines space and storytelling in a dynamic way. Storytelling both verbally and in the creative process of the book. Space is both the safe place you're conducting the workshop and more abstractly in the book you are creating.
You could combine your two ideas - have an exhibition of people's work after each round of workshops.
You could also combine another two ideas - The workshops and the workbook.
You are exploring rituals around grief in a sensitive and well researched way.
Susan really liked that I interviewed Gary Andrews and commented it was the perfect expert to use.
I found talking to Susan really helpful and it made me feel more confident in the way my project is going. She seemed invested in my ideas and said the research I had backed up my initial design ideas. I think the next step is to experiment with illustrations to see if I can come up with a style I might want to go for in this book.
Design experimentation
The next step is to experiment through design - thinking about what I remember about my Nan and how I can represent that in a way I would want to share with people. I will start with illustration as this is the format I am the most comfortable with. Here are my first two sketches:
I took inspiration from Gary Andrews and drew them in a cartoon style. I like them and I think there is something quite sweet and naive about them however I want to continue experimenting with style as I am not sure this would be the best idea. Not everyone can or has the interest in drawing so I don't want to make it seem like an unachievable goal. I will continue experimenting with style.
Here are the two same memories represented in a different style. I much prefer this one as I think it really adds life to them. They look a lot more vibrant and exciting. I think this really plays into the idea that it shouldn't all be sad- you should also be able to look back at the funny times too. This style of illustration adds to the fun, more happy aspects of having had that person in your life. As Gary Andrews said in our interview, it's about thinking about the person as a whole and celebrating who they were to you.
Method Development
The next step is to experiment with different methods of illustration to see what works for me and what I can develop into a firm idea to help others. I think the best way to go about this is to come up with different subjects to draw, different ways to draw and different places to draw. The following is my initial list:
Listening to my Nan's favourite songs and drawing what I feel
Illustrating a happy memory
Documenting a walk we went on through illustration
Closing my eyes and drawing what comes to mind
Drawing objects I associate with my Nan
Free writing
Tell stories and have someone else draw them
Draw 10 memories in 10 minutes
Here goes some experimentation!
I decided to record how I felt before, during and after the drawings to be able to critically analyse the method and how useful it was in order to decide how to progress with the project.
Design Experimentation
Listening to my Nan's favourite songs and drawing what I feel
I was really surprised with how this came out. Listening to Elvis, George Harrison and Judy Garland was a lovely way to feel closer to her as I sketched. It felt like a really mindful activity that made me feel quite calm while I was doing it.
What surprised me was how sad the image came out. Without realising what I was doing I drew a young me and my Nan looking like we are being torn apart. I was fine while I was doing the drawing however looking at this after made me feel quite sad. It was like I wasn't in my body while I was drawing it and I came back round to see it for the first time.
While it did feel good doing it, I think I need to do this a couple more times to see if my outcome is similar. The idea of this project is to celebrate the life of someone, not dwell on their death which I think this drawing is doing. I don't want to include things in my project that will make people relive their darkest memories rather than their happy memories of the person.
Illustrating a happy memory
I found this one really interesting because it brought a flood of lovely memories back to me. The story was we went on a road trip round Europe when I was 8 or 9 in the summer holidays. We started in Amsterdam where she bought some Edam and left it in the hot car all summer. When we got back in at the end the smell was disgusting and we had to pull over and throw it on the ground. We always laugh when we remember this story.
Drawing it was lovely - it made me remember little details. I think I got a bit bogged down with the detail however and this is definitely something I want to avoid if someone doing this isn't as comfortable with illustration as I am. I don't want it to be about capturing likeness, I want it to be about capturing feelings and the memory of that person.
I think going forward I like the idea of capturing a happy memory, especially since some don't have photographs but I need to explore an alternative way of illustrating this to avoid getting carried away with detail as this isn't the important part.
Documenting a walk we went on through illustration
I really liked the combination of words and illustration during this method. It made me remember things I wasn't conscious of. It felt really therapeutic and I can only imagine how much better this would have been if I was able to go to Sheringham and do the walk.
It made me feel really close to her and remember things from when I was really small spending summers there. It was lovely to get so many memories down in one place and talk to my family about them after.
No bad memories came up in this, just funny, happy ones which was lovely and definitely something I want to encourage in this project. I think being able to write really helped as not everything can come across in illustration. I like this mix of handwriting and illustration, I think this echoes Peony Gent's book and shows the importance of having both elements. I think handwriting was important in this rather than type as it feels more open and personal.
Closing my eyes and drawing what comes to mind
I was a little sceptical about this because I didn't know if I would be able to tell what I had drawn. It was brilliant! It felt really mindful doing it and calming.
I was actually really pleased with my outcomes. When I was drawing happy memories I was too tight and constrained with my drawing, trying to make it perfect. However with this I felt a lot more free and loose with the way I was creating. I think it made me realise that with a project like this it is absolutely not about the perfection of the illustration, it's about representing feelings and the person you lost.
This so far was my favourite method because of the freedom I felt while doing it. The outcomes have a Quentin Blake feel to them which I have always loved. This got me thinking, could I combine two of these methods - listening to music and drawing with your eyes shut. I will explore this in the development of this project.
I also asked my partner to do this to find out if it worked with someone who doesn't feel confident in drawing. He hasn't lost anyone close to him so I just asked him to illustrate a memory. This is how it went:
I asked him after how it made him feel and he said closer to his sister and like he wants to call her. The memory is her reading Harry Potter to him when he was around 10. He also said it was really nice to think about all of the happy memories they have together and closing his eyes mad it feel like more of a mindfulness exercise. I thought this was a really interesting way of describing it as it has only recently occurred to me that there may be a lot of similarities between what I am trying to achieve and mindfulness exercises. I want people to feel better and as if they have celebrated the person they lost while doing this and feeling calm will be a big part of this.
Drawing objects I associate with my Nan
Wow I felt absolutely nothing when I was doing this task. I'm not sure whether it was because I was focussing too much on getting the drawing accurate but I didn't feel closer to my Nan or like I was celebrating her memory by doing this.
I could be because memories aren't as tied up in objects as we think - for example, the gramophone. It reminds me of my Nan but the object itself has no intrinsic meaning, the memory of dancing in the kitchen to Elvis songs is the thing that means a lot to me so a drawing of the object only serves as a link to that.
I think this memory could be illustrated in a far more interesting way than this, and also have more direct meaning. I don't think this will be one of the experiments I develop further for this project.
Free writing
Although I think free writing it helpful when dealing with complicated feelings I think there was something missing from this experiment. I timed myself for 2 minutes and continuously wrote however what came out was more regrets and what I could have done differently rather than memories about my nan. This is the antithesis of what I want the project to achieve - no one needs a book full of regrets.
I did consider possibly pairing free writing with illustration however I'm not sure how productive that would be - from my initial experiments I think I will also eliminate this idea from the development phase.
Draw 8 memories in 8 minutes
This one was really fun to do. It made me think. of lots of different memories. However, I don't think it involved delving very deeply on any one in particular.
Comparing it to other techniques I have used in the experimentation phase, I think others such as the eyes closed drawing were much more mindful and let me with a calmer, more settled feeling.This one while it did take my mind off things for the eight minutes, did seem like it was all a bit of a rush and I couldn't think about any memory, no matter how good, for any real length of time.
Although this was a good exercise, I think there are others that have been more successful and more fulfilling of the brief I have set. However, it was a really good way to get the ideas and memories flowing so there could be a part of this I could develop and use in my final outcome.
Project review with work
At this stage I decided to gather feedback on the idea of an illustration workshop. To do this I invited people at work to come to a project review, if they were comfortable talking about grief. Eleven people attended the session and we had a really interesting discussion about my project.
Initially people seemed positive, they thought a book of memories was a lovely way to remember someone they had lost. Majid commented “when my Grandfather died, I didn’t rally have a way of expressing grief. I’m not a natural artist so to record in this way would have felt out of my reach, I wouldn’t have even thought of it.” However, he continued “I’m not sure I would feel comfortable going to a workshop though, I would be a bit nervous mine was going to look shit.” This sparked an interesting discussion about the idea of attending something a little more formal.
“I don’t think after losing someone I would feel like talking to a room full of strangers about it” Kat added. This made me wonder if a workshop would be the right way to go with this project. The way people feel is paramount to the success of this project. I wanted to get a sense of if others felt the same. Everyone bar Prince, a fellow designer, felt the same. This made me wonder if it would only be people who had an existing interest in art and illustration who would be interested in the idea of a workshop. Angeline added “I would like to do something like that at home, maybe with little prompts on the page or something?” Emmanuel agreed saying “Yeah I would like that, it would remind you of your Gramps and let you put all the nice memories in one place. Could we put tickets and pictures in there too?”
This review was helpful to this project as it allowed me to rule out the idea of a workshop - if people wouldn’t be comfortable doing this then it is not the direction I want to take this project in. The team did, however come up with valuable alternatives such as a book with prompts in to allow people to record memories in their own way.
Ideas (again!)
After further research and consideration my question is -
How can we transform rituals of grief. for current, more secular times?
The next step is to explore some initial ideas using the knowledge I have gained from (a lot of) research.
My two main considerations after the research stage are:
How can a person feel like their lost loved one is still present with the absence of belief in an after life?
Without religion, what makes people feel supported by a community?
After exploring these two considerations further I decided it was time to start generating ideas. I want to be more thoughtful about these so decided against a crazy eight design sprint at this stage.
Idea 1&2
Book of bonds
Interview between family and illustrator. The stories of the loved one would then be illustrated and returned to the family so they have a full view of the person and something to look back on and talk about in the future.
Positives -
It would encourage family bonds and a community spirit based around remembering the lost loved one.
I would also encourage the family to tell stories to the illustrator, someone who didn't know the person.
There would be something for the family to keep and possibly add to over generations.
A ritual of looking through the book and remembering would be initiated during this process.
Negatives -
Very costly and time consuming - one on one time plus the time taken to illustrate the book then printing costs on top.
It doesn't promote a community feel outside of the immediate family.
Risk that the book would just get left on the bookcase and forgotten about.
Workshops
Bringing people together from all different walks of life to talk about the person or people they lost and engaging in art and writing projects to remember the person they lost. A week of workshops, for example, would be followed by an exhibition of the artworks made with space for people to talk about their work and tell stories about the person they are grieving.
Positives -
It will foster a real sense of community, being around people going through something similar and being able to relate to each other.
An exhibition would illustrate the importance of the person and possibly make their death feel slightly less meaningless.
It encourages people to explore their grief through art, writing and storytelling which have been proven to be helpful in mourning.
The exhibition will be a chance for others to come along and see the lives of ordinary people from the perspective of people who loved them.
Negatives -
If not many people sign up the exhibition will be fairly empty.
It requires people to be already interested in art/writing/poetry etc.
Idea 3
Exhibition
Families can submit stories photographs, songs, audio etc to an online platform. They could then be selected for an exhibition showing the life of the person who has been lost. It would be done on big screen so they can be updated and changed, showing the lives of multiple people per session. There would also be a podium for people to speak live about them and tell stories to audiences.
Positives -
It adds a meaning to death.
People can celebrate the lives of the people they lost and add stories as a family before talking to the wider community about them.
It will make people feel like they are not alone.
It's changeable, the design of the screens can change for each person making it a much more personal experience.
Negatives -
Only a few people would really benefit from this unless it was a country wide project.
You would have to filter out the negative things if it was open to anyone to add things.
There would have to be a process to make sure the stories were legitimate.
There would have to be people collating the individual stories and designing the exhibitions.
Idea 4
Digital Display for the Home
A screen of some kind would show memories previously uploaded by the bereaved. Memories could be uploaded as wither personal (so they would only show on your device) or public (they would also appear on family members devices). It would be a way to keep people connected and also feel the presence of the person who passed away whenever they want. You could upload anything from pictures, videos, audio to writing, drawings and music.
Positives -
It would make you feel like the person is still there.
You could choose when to look at it so you wouldn't be dwelling on it every day.
You could create your own family or individual rituals based on looking through it or adding to it, for example.
You could record everything you remember about them, as you remember it.
Negatives -
It would not really promote a sense of community.
May make you feel more isolated or alone.
Could make you dwell on the past if your ritual is looking at it everyday.
Lots of security would be needed around who can upload to a memory bank.
Idea 5
Book as Object
A book that people could either complete themselves or attend a workshop to complete. It would be memories, pictures, drawing, stories etc about the person you lost either done individually or as a family. It would be in accordion binding to illustrate the circular nature of life and death. It can then be opened out as used as an object around the home. It would be a candle holder or a lamp stand for example.
Positives -
It would be less invasive in the home than a screen - it would remind you of the person but in a way that doesn't invite you to interact with it all of the time.
It would be a beautiful piece of furniture or ornament that every time you looked at you would think of the person you lost.
You could access it whenever you want and add to it when memories pop up.
A light or candle on top could become a ritual for people to remember their loved one.
You could even do this alone or in a workshop with a wider community of grieving people making it either a personal or community experience.
The first part of the ritual would involve filling in the book which may only last a short time. But the second part would be revisiting the book and interacting with the object in the home, making it last as long as the person needs or wants it to.
You could either fill it in either alone or with your family.
Negatives -
People would already need to have an interest in art/storytelling/scrapbooks.
It could remind people too often and cause them to dwell.
It requires a lot of effort on behalf of the bereaved.
Summary
The design, test and prepare phase of this project allowed me to explore my initial ideas, experiment and test them with industry experts and the general public.
Talking to Gary Andrews allowed me to test the idea with an industry expert in both illustration and grief. From this interview I discovered how unrealistic the idea of completing this book in one sitting would be. Doing a project review with a group of people from work I learned that interest in a workshop may not be as high as I initially thought.
What was interesting to me was the way both Gary and my colleagues loved the idea of having a book that they cold fill out over time and record memories in and reflect on later. What form that might take will become clear in my development phase.
Upon further reflection of this phase I think I jumped to conclusions too quickly initially which means running the risk of it being a relatively surface level project In order to do this I started to think about other ways this could be used too - does it simply have to take the form of a book?I was pleased with my three alternative ideas and in the development phase I will delve deeper into this.
I focussed more on the creating ritual and holding stories objectives in the design, test and prepare phase. In the design development phase I needed to hone in on the light aspect of this project and develop this further. At this point in the project I decided to develop the book as object idea further. I thought it met the three objectives well and had the potential to become a beutiful way of people remembering the person they lost.
References
[1] Andrews, G. (2022). Finding Joy. Available: http://www.garyscribbler.co.uk/finding-joy---doodleaday.html. Last accessed 24 July 22.
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