PHASE 1- RESEARCH AND DISCOVER (W3+4)

Research Plan

Primary Research

Grief is such a vast subject area that I am not going to be able to research each area. For this reason I am going to choose subjects within the realm of grief to research so my focus isn't scattered across too many subject areas. My chosen areas are:

• Design

• Philosophy

• Academic Papers

• Legal Issues

I think by breaking down the topic it seems much more manageable. I was feeling overwhelmed until my tutorial with Ben where we talked about breaking it down and focussing in on specific areas. Before I start this research, however, I think I need to define the terms of my question. My question is

"How can we transform rituals of grief to fit in with current, more secular times?"

Definitions:

Where - British culture

Current - Last 20 years

Secular - not connected with religious or spiritual matters [1]

I think now the terms have been defined it will be easier to research deeply into the subject of grief.

As this is a secular project I think the first thing I need to do is research religious attitudes to death and grief to see what is missing from secular ritual.

1. What rituals of grief does religion provide that I want to capture in a more secular environment?

2. What would be an effective methods of doing this?

This week I will focus on researching religious rituals of grief to identify common themes running through. From this I can more deeply explore what I want my project to achieve and how to fill the gap between religious and secular rituals of grief.

Religious Rituals

Buddhism

Practices

Usually, bodies are cremated in Buddhism, to follow the example of the Buddha, but families might choose to bury their loved ones, too. In either case, there will be a three-day period of continuous worship after the person is buried or cremated, to wish for a peaceful departure for their soul.

Memorial services are traditionally held on the third, seventh, 49th, and 100th day after the death and the family will come back to the temple during these days for more services. It’s a pretty long process, but the belief is that the soul needs to pass seven ports before going to heaven, thus the service that comes after seven days.

The service on the 49th day is so that family and loved ones can pray for forgiveness for any sins that the person committed during their life, so that they can have a peaceful reincarnation.

The 100th day service can roughly be translated into the 'stop cry' ceremony, in which the family recognises that this person’s soul has gone onto its next life and it’s time to finish the grieving process and let them go, so that they don’t become a ghost stuck in this world. [2]

What happens after death?

Buddhists believe that there is no ‘soul’ that can be reincarnated, rather, there is a ‘stream of consciousness’ that is reborn time and again until the desires that feed it are ‘extinguished’ and a state of enlightenment is achieved. [3]

Grieving Process

In principle, there is a strong tradition of the importance of the family and community in Buddhism and at times of bereavement family members will come together for practical and moral support.

The Buddha taught that nothing is permanent and that suffering and unhappiness are to be expected in earthy life. Death is the natural end to life and should be accepted as such. The deceased are believed to be passing on to another life or even nirvana and this provides some comfort for the bereaved.

Buddhists would hope to face adversity with an attitude of quiet and calm acceptance and to engage in mediation and mindfulness. It is hoped that this model of behaviour will bring comfort also for bereaved children.

Key Themes:

Remembrance, collective mourning, letting go, reincarnation

Christianity

Practices

Like most religious funerals, a Christian funeral service is tailored to the person who has died. The service is usually carried out at a church, crematorium or cemetery and will include prayers, a sermon, readings, hymns and sometimes music or poems. It is no more than an hour and usually ends with a wake.

On the day of the funeral service:

• The entrance – once the friends and family have arrived at the venue, pall-bearers will carry the coffin to the room/burial site. A priest or minister will sprinkle holy water over the coffin or casket and read a passage from the bible.

• Hymns and prayers – throughout the service there will likely be a number of hymns and prayer readings. These will have been picked by the family of the deceased, who may have been given instructions by their loved one before they died. Here is our list of popular funeral hymns.

• Psalms – many funeral services include a reading of a Psalm, often Psalm 23 (‘The Lord is my shepherd’).

• Mass –a priest or minister will deliver the Eucharist Prayer and Holy Communion. Not all Christian funerals will include a mass, but if they do, it will usually add around 30 minutes to the funeral service.

• Rite of Committal – this is performed by a priest or minister at the final resting place (graveside for a burial or before the curtains close at a cremation).

• Burial – here the friends and family are given the chance to say their final goodbyes. Some mourners will sprinkle a small amount of dirt on the casket. [4]

Faced with adversity Christians often find compelling support in the hope of salvation and of life to come. Many find that prayer helps them through difficult times.

In many Christian communities ordained persons minister to faith members, and at times of tragedy and grief they would strive to support families in the context of the fellowship of the church, providing comfort, solace and practical support. [3]

There is often a grave for people to visit as a ritual of remembrance.

What happens after death?

The traditional teaching of the Christian Church is that there will be a second ‘Advent’, when all will experience a physical resurrection of the body, and Jesus Christ will return to earth to judge the living and the dead. At this time, Christians believe that everyone will stand before the judgement seat of Christ and be judged according to their actions. While they seek to live good, obedient lives, Christians also stress the need for God’s forgiveness. They believe that the death of Christ on the cross was a sacrifice for sins. Through faith in him, Christians believe that all their sins are forgiven and they will go to heaven.

Catholic Christians also believe in the importance of regularly attending confession and mass, and in Purgatory – a place of temporary suffering for Christians who have died with unconfessed, forgivable sins.

The final destination for all is generally believed to be either heaven or hell. What heaven is like cannot be described in detail because it is beyond human understanding. It is where, with God and his people for ever, the Christian receives Christ’s praise and reward. It is a place of blessing, without sin, pain or death. Hell is traditionally believed to be a place of eternal torment, although some Christians believe it will be an annihilation of the soul, and end of life.

What happens between death and Christ’s return? Some Christians believe that they will be with Christ in heaven until being reunited with their physical body at the resurrection. Others, that, as in sleep, they will not be conscious of the passage of time until the resurrection. [3]

Grieving Process

Faced with adversity Christians often find compelling support in the hope of salvation and of life to come. Many find that prayer helps them through difficult times.

In many Christian communities ordained persons minister to faith members, and at times of tragedy and grief they would strive to support families in the context of the fellowship of the church, providing comfort, solace and practical support.

Key themes:

Remembrance, forgiveness, music, prayer, collective mourning, community support

Islam

Practices

Cremation is forbidden in Islam, so the body is buried as soon as possible from the time of the death. Funeral preparations begin immediately and the body has to be washed for burial. This is usually done by family members. Male family members will wash the body of a man who has died, while female family members wash the body of a woman who died.

However, most people now die in hospitals or nursing homes, so the washing is now usually done by professionals in a funeral home. After that, the body is shrouded in three pieces of clean white cloth and the body is put into a position of prayer, if possible, with one hand on the chest and the other hand on top of it.

Family members and loved ones might mark or remember a death anniversary, but in general, there isn’t really a formal ritual that’s done for these anniversaries. [2]

What happens after death?

‘Islam’ means ‘submission’ (to God) and refers to the religion revealed to the prophet Muhammad and written down in the Qur’an. A follower of Islam is a ‘Muslim’, that is ‘one who submits to the will of God’ (Allah).

Since everything is subject to the will of Allah, the Creator of all, a person’s death must be accepted as being within the divine plan. But death is not the end. Muslims believe that when a person dies, their earthly deeds are accountable before Allah on the Day of Judgement. On this day a person is either rewarded and enters a stage of blessing or heaven, or they fall into an eternal hell, which many see as a state of separation from all the beauty in the world. [3]

Grieving process

Muslims believe that submitting to the will of Allah brings peace of body and of mind. When there is a death in a Muslim family, children may be told that God gave them life and that same God will take it away when their limited time is up. The belief that the deceased has moved on to a pleasant afterlife can help the bereaved cope with their suffering.

Many Muslims discipline themselves to show no emotion at a death in order to show acceptance of God’s will. However, it is more common today to display grief openly and children find support during the mourning period (between 3 and 40 days according to different traditions) when friends visit, bring food and talk in terms of praise about the person who has died.

Key Themes

Respect, prayer, heaven and hell, submission to God.

Judaism

Practices

Judaism teaches that people are created in the image of God (sometimes respectfully written G-d), so when a person dies their body is respected. For example, the deceased’s body will normally be ritually washed and placed in a simple shroud. A group of ‘watchers’ (Chevra Kadisha), usually volunteers from the Jewish community, will remain with the body until burial, which is held the day after death if possible.

Cremation is not normally practised within the Jewish faith; instead the body will be buried in a plain wooden coffin and a rabbi will conduct a simple service that begins with the cutting of a black ribbon. Mourners may also make a small tear (Keriah) in their clothes to represent a broken heart.

Rather than flowers, friends and well-wishers are encouraged to make donations to a charity or Jewish organisation.

At the funeral men and women dress modestly and quite formally – no short sleeves or open-toed shoes; men will probably wear a head-covering (usually provided at the synagogue or funeral home); women are also expected to cover their heads during the service.For an orthodox service a minimum of 10 men who have been Bar-mitzvahed, will be required to make up a ‘Minyan’. This is the minimum requirement for prayers.

At the graveside the Kiddush prayer is said in Hebrew and again when the coffin has been interred. The bereaved will each usually add some earth to the grave, and it would be an honour for a friend or acquaintance to be invited by the family to do so.Mourners place small stones on the grave (instead of flowers) and will sometimes completely fill in the grave. Children under 16 do not usually attend the burial grounds.

Overall, Jewish law looks to take care of mourners in allowing them to develop strength while maintaining respect.

What happens after death?

Within the Jewish scriptures and commentaries there are plenty of references to the after-life, but these range from a place of darkness under the earth (Sheol) through to a resurrected life for the soul and even, in some traditions, reincarnation (gilgul). Some Jews do not concern themselves overly with what happens after death, preferring instead to focus on the here and now. [3]

Grieving Process

On hearing of a person’s death a Jewish blessing might be said, “Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the universe, the True Judge.

After the funeral there is a seven (Hebrew = Shiva) day period of mourning when the bereaved will be visited by friends. During this time mirrors might be covered, candles kept burning and the mourners might not leave their home. Men often refrain from shaving and women from wearing make-up. Mourners will sit on hard chairs, or stand. The Rabbi visits to say the Kiddush prayer.

On the first anniversary of the death, Jews might attend a service and unveil a tombstone. Annually, at the ‘Yahrzeit’, candles may be lit on the anniversary of a death, though there may be other customs according to tradition. The stone-setting can be held 6 – 12 months after the death. Mourners will attend the burial ground to say prayers and bless the gravestone.

For bereaved families, Jewish communities provide comfort and practical support. For those in need there are specific Jewish counselling services available.

Key Themes

Community support, prayer, collective mourning, remembrance

Hinduism

Practices

In most cases a Hindu funeral will take place as soon as possible after the death of the individual. The body of the deceased will be washed and it would be usual for ash marks to be applied to the body, under the supervision of a priest, in preparation for cremation. Although cremation is the usual practice, some communities practice burial, particularly in the case of a very young child, and there may be other special arrangements in the case of one thought to be enlightened.

At the ceremony, food and prayers for the departed soul may be offered and it would be usual for a priest to chant mantras and for family members to put flowers on the body, rice in the mouth (as nourishment for the departed soul), and coins in the hands. White is the colour traditionally worn at Hindu funerals. There are some restriction on food at this time for most Hindus, for example, there will not be any cooking in the house until the cremation takes place.

According to Hindu tradition and scripture it is the duty of the dead man’s heir ­– usually the eldest son but not always – to set light to the funeral pyre.

Following the funeral, feasts may be conducted and this may occur every month for a year after the death, and then once annually by the same person who performed the last rites. In some communities Hindus prefer to engage in charitable activities rather than a feast.

What happens after death?

Generally, Hindus believe that human beings have a divine soul (atman) and that it is the soul rather than the physical body that is ‘real’. Every intentional action (karma) that an individual takes is believed to have consequences either in this life or the next life. Therefore, when a person dies, their soul continues to exist and, according to the kind of life they have led, the soul may be reincarnated in another physical body.

The cycle of rebirths only ends when the soul discovers its true nature, interpreted by some Hindus as essential unity with or closeness to God and by others as liberation from delusion (maya). Thus salvation (moksha) is achieved. [3]

Grieving Process

Since for Hindus, death is seen as a door to rebirth, there is some solace for the bereaved in the thought that the deceased has not ‘gone’ forever because the soul is immortal.

During the first week of bereavement, friends might visit the family several times a day for the first week, and relatives stay in the house until the 13th day after the death when the religious ceremonies end.

There will normally be a certain number of days, depending on the community, after which the family is re-integrated into the society. This could be between 13 days or 40 days; the specific number of days corresponding with the social structure of the family.

Readings from the Bhagavad-Gita or other Hindu texts can also provide some comfort for Hindus at this time and for some, where time and finances allow, a pilgrimage to the River Ganges in India, perhaps to deposit the ashes of the departed soul, will help the bereaved to come to terms with their loss.

Key themes

Prayer, community support, rebirth, immortal soul, pilgrimage

Humanist

Practices

Although Humanists are not religious, which would mean they are already conducting secular rituals, I still think it is valuable to look into how they handle the ideas of death and grief. They conduct non religious ceremonies allowing people to grieve collectively without religious sentiment. These rituals include:

• Lighting and extinguishing a candle at the beginning and end of an online ceremony

• Listening to their favourite music

• Singing their favourite song

• Reading their favourite poem

• Planting a tree in their memory [1]

What happens after death?

The material world is the only one we have and death is part of the natural order. Human beings do not have soul or any consciousness that is independent of the body, and there is, therefore, no kind of life after death other than the continuing influence of that person’s life in the world. [3]

Grieving Process

Children and young people who do not have a particular religious affiliation may still of course have profound ideas about life and death and, in the right context, can be encouraged to share them and have them treated with respect. While humanists will not rely on any comfort that may be had from the idea that a person who has died has ‘gone to a better place’ or a better ‘rebirth’, there is plenty of scientific and psychological research about the process of bereavement and how people may be helped to come to terms with their loss.

Humanists and others may also conduct memorial ceremonies some time after the funeral. Again, these take different forms according to the wishes of the bereaved.

Key themes:

Remembrance, candle, music, creating something new, collective mourning.

Analysis of research

I think this was really valuable research to conduct at this stage to help me zero in on the reason I am doing this project and what I want to achieve.

I will now look at the key themes and see what is overlapping in each, therefore considering what is missing in non-religious grief rituals.

I decided to take the key features I identified in my research and chart them to see the similarities between religion and humanist/non religious rituals. It showed me that while non-religious and humanists do have similar rituals when it comes to funeral service and having a memorial site (e.g. grave) to visit, there is a definite difference in their beliefs, or lack of them, in what happens after death and community support.

With people of religious groups, they have a pre-determined community group within their place of worship to offer support after the death of a loved one, however non-religious people do not have this, it depends more on the individual and the support system they already have set up.

It also shows that people with religious beliefs have consistent views on life after death. This takes on different guises for example heaven and hell, reincarnation or enlightenment. However, this is a key thing that is missing from non-religious people's rituals of grieving. There is no belief that the person still exists in some way or has gone to a better place. There must be some comfort in this belief, thinking that the person you lost is peaceful, happy and most importantly, still exists in some way.

This is something I have struggled with after losing my Nan, i wish I believed in something, I wish that there was a part of me that still believed she existed somewhere but I just can't get over the implausibility of it. Could the ritual of grief I want to develop do something to help people with this feeling that someone is just gone? Can I create something that makes people feel like they are still with them somehow?

The closest a lot of people who have no religious beliefs come to this is believing that by remembering them the person still lives on through memories. Could I harness the power of memories to create a ritual of grief that makes it seem like the person is still here with us? To make people still feel connected and engaged with the person after death.

The next step is to look into ways to memorialise and remember people after they are gone. To look not only at traditional ways of remembrance but also innovative and creative ways.

Design

Still Parents - Life after Baby Loss

Still Parents is the first exhibition of its kind, creating a platform to share personal stories open conversations and break the wall of silence that continues to surround baby loss. [2]

I saw a segment on Morning Live (5 July 2022) about an interesting initiative in Manchester. You can watch it here (the segment starts at 9minutes and 8 seconds). [3] It involves workshops where people who have lost children come together to talk and learn new creative practices. It was a really interesting to see how a group of people have come together and used artistic workshops to explore their grief. The artworks they create are then displayed in the gallery for the public to visit.

I think this is a really interesting place to start my research. The idea that storytelling is such a valuable way of dealing with grief really interests me as it beings up so many design ideas around the idea of grief. I want to delve more into this and figure out why telling stories about people makes us feel like they are still here in a way and how I can use this to update the rituals of individual grief. Can I use this idea of telling stories about the people we have lost to create something that allows people to tell these stories and bring them comfort in some way? Workshops are a really interesting idea because it brings people with similar experiences together in an informal setting and allows them to tell their stories and help each other heal a little.

Where by Simon Moreton

I've had Where by Simon Moreton [12] for a while and it is perfect research for my project on grief. It is a beautiful love letter from Simon Moreton to his late father who passed away suddenly. He went back to his native Shropshire and realised that it was seeped in memories of his childhood, everything reminded him of his dad. He explores these memories through photography, illustration and writing in the book.

This immediately reminded me of going back to Sheringham and being flooded by memories of my Nan. Reading books like this one makes me feel like I am not alone and helps me deal with my grief in a similar way. This makes me think that if it helps me, maybe there is something I could take from this that would also help other people. Could I create a 'ritual' that involves recording memories about places that remind you of that person? Place and storytelling have come up time and time again as people's preferred methods of dealing with grief so I need to take note of this.

Where? offers a beautiful reflection on life and loss and Simon speaks about the meaning of the book in an interview with Warren Craghead from The Comic's Journal. He says:

The book’s overriding purpose is to talk about death and life and what happens after someone is gone, and how that experience is so very life-changing; I think that’s the big bit and the bit that is perhaps most universal. I loved my Dad very dearly and had a great relationship with him. His death left a huge hole in my life, but like a hole in a spiders’ web, the monumentality of mending that hole becomes only apparent after you see the complexity of the structure that’s been broken. So you don’t mend the hole - you just make peace with it. [13]

I really like the imagery in this statement, the idea that life is so complex that the loss of a large part of it can't be fixed, you can only learn to live with it is something. I should keep in mind when thinking about a design solution and not go in with the idea that I can help someone get over grief because that is never going to happen.

For Sarah by Peony Gent

Peony describes this as "a comic about loss, grief, and guilt. Something originally made in a process of catharsis, which I hope may also aid you in anything similar you may have gone through".[4]

This immediately got me thinking about how telling our own stories may actually help other people process their own grief. Before looking into this project by Gent, I think the ideas I was having were too big in scale, I was thinking I had to understand the whole subject of grief and try and help everyone whereas this isn't the case. It is a really personal topic for me, therefore instead of thinking on a global level, maybe I should look inwards more and it might do a better service to my research question.

This book by Gent is a beautiful piece of art in which she explores the loss of her friend through both written and visual communication. Reading the comic you really feel her journey through grief and can't help but relate it to your own. For example, "I have all these memories and I don't know what to do with them". [5] That's exactly how I feel, full of memories with nowhere for them to go, terrified I'm going to forget something.

I like the way Gent talks to her friend in directly in this piece. It really feels like you are experiencing this deeply personal journey with her and makes you feel intimately involved in the story. By using phrases such as "you and I would go down to the river and poke at the beer cans left in fire pits by the water’s edge, paddle in the muddy shallows and look for eels" it takes you back to things you used to do with the person you lost. It immediately made me think of things I used to do with my nan, like crab fishing or building sandcastles. I think this highlights a key element of talking about grief - the more people identify with what you are creating, the more impact it will have.

This could be an interesting direction to take this project in. So far in my research I have realised the importance of storytelling which in turn leads to keeping these memories of people alive. Maybe the rituals I could focus on are about this idea that people are desperate to remember everything about a person - smells, sounds, clothes etc. A tool that could be used to keep a record of these things over time, as you remember them.

MOTH - An Extra Place At The Table

How food and funeral feasting can positively impact and disseminate creative exchange around mourning, bereavement and end of life choices? [6]

This project by MOTH was a great example of narrowing down a research question and focussing on one specific area of grief in order to explore it deeply. In this case, MOTH focussed on funeral feasts and the cultural significance of this. I think this narrowing down gives real depth and insight into the exploration of grief in this form.

Something else I found interesting about this project is the book was actually the start of a much bigger project, described on their website as -

This forms the first stage of a bigger research project which aims to create dining events, with curated menus to revive and disseminate information referencing funeral foods and feasting rites from social, historical, cultural and ‘magical’ (folklore) perspectives. Reclaiming a personal relationship and greater understanding with the people and place in which we live, work and die together. Prompted by discussions around the food narratives, which are presented and eaten, along with questions, readings, sound/music/moving image and dining artefacts. [6]

This project excites me because it is not just about one persons point of view, it is about people coming together and bonding over shared experience and the benefits from this. It seems like the answer to the aforementioned research question is actually a workshop of sorts that provides a platform for people to come together and talk about their lost ones in a supportive and structured environment.

I think this project seems so big to me at the minute and narrowing down the focus area will be really useful. I think using the other categories I have identified such as literature, papers and legal issues I can narrow down my research question further so I do not just stay on the surface.

WeCroak

The WeCroak app is inspired by a Bhutanese folk saying: to be a happy person, one must contemplate death five times daily. Each day, we’ll send you five invitations to stop and think about death. Our invitations come at random times and at any moment, just like death. When they come, you can open the app to reveal a quote about death from a poet, philosopher, or notable thinker.

Lizzie from a different cohort pointed me in the direction of WeCroak, an app aimed at breaking the taboo surrounding death. It's a really interesting concept that rather than encouraging people not to think about something so dark, it encourages people to think about it and live their lives well because you never know when it's going to end.

This has made me think about the tone with which we talk about death and the way I will be speaking about it in the project. Up until now I think I have taken a solemn tone and it doesn't always need to be like this. We can also look at it as a celebration of someones life and a reminder that life is short.

Philosophy

Sophie Calle

“Hospitals and graveyards are not places that paralyse me. They inspire me and my work, it’s what has always been attracting me – absence, missing, death…” [7]

Sophie Calle is not concerned by death. She uses it as inspiration in her artistic life. From exploring the death of her parents to commissioning her own gravestone containing the secrets of her friends and family, she doesn't hid from it, she stands up to it and even embraces it. I think this. is the fearless attitude I need to have to this project. Instead of being nervous about it and worrying something will upset or offend, I need to use the idea of loss as inspiration to update the rituals of grief.

Rachel, Monique by Sophie Calle

In Rachel, Monique, [8] Calle eulogises her late mother using both instillation and publication. The installation shows a funeral set up with a video projected onto the wall showing Calle's mother's last eleven minutes of life before her death. It is accompanied by a book of photographs with her mum's handwritten captions and diary entries peppered throughout.

It is deeply moving however I also think it seem a little gratuitous. Using someones death as art comes across as slightly self indulgent and disrespectful. However, I want to examine this thought process further - is it that these are my own considered thoughts or is that this how society and death rituals have conditioned me to think? I have had 32 years to form opinions but that is so heavily influenced by the society we live in the lines are blurred between my thoughts and accepted traditions. I think using art to explore these traditions and challenge them is extremely progressive when it comes to death as it still feels like a taboo. In exploring the way I feel about this I think I have actually made a big leap in this project - realising the importance of challenging tradition and not just accepting something as that is how it has always been. I think this will strengthen my project.

I think the use of space to explore grief in this project is interesting. Calle sets up the gallery to look like a funeral, including all of the chairs and other traditional rituals of grief. Space is such an important part of life - whether it's the house you grew up in, a cafe you went to, or a shop you worked in, our whole life is about physical space and what we do in it. Death is the only part of life that is entirely removed from that. When someone dies we don't talk about the physical space they are in because what happens after death is still a mystery and their physical body still here with us. Why not flip this assumption on its head and use space to explore the topic of grief.

I really liked the personal book that accompanied this exhibition about death. It adds to the research I conducted into Peony Gent's for Sarah. The more personal a piece is, the more people can relate to it and feel a connection. to the work you are putting out there. As this is such a personal project. I think this will. be key in disseminating my research and developing my project. The hand written captions really add a deeper element to this - reading the writing of someone that has passed as they intended it to be seen is powerful. I know whenever I see my Nan's handwriting it brings me right back to all the letters and postcards we sent to each other. These are the connections I want to encourage within this project.

I have learnt so much from researching Sophie Calle's art and philosophy around death and it had provided me not only with valuable insight but also challenged the way I think about things and the influences I may have to overcome in order to do this project justice.

Academic Papers

Facilitating grief: An exploration of the function of funerals and rituals in relation to grief reactions

This paper looked at the correlation between the funeral and the post-funeral grief rituals and grief reactions. The study found no correlation between how people felt about the funeral and the use of grief rituals. We all know what is meant by a funeral - regardless of religion it is the ceremony which closely follows the death of a loved one. Grief rituals is a more generic term that in this case requires clarification. The study describes this as:

Following the funeral, individuals may use a wide range of grief rituals to come to terms with the loss, such as lighting a candle or creating a place or object in memory of the deceased. The use of grief rituals across cultures has been extensively documented by anthropologists (Souza, 2017). However, from a psychological perspective, very few empirical studies have examined the impact of performing rituals on recovery from the loss of a loved one (Castle & Phillips, 2003). Many bereaved individuals experience the most intense emotions between three and 24 months post-loss, long after the funeral or memorial service took place. In these months, when social support decreases, rituals may be helpful in coping with the loss (Castle & Phillips, 2003). [9]

I thought this was a really interesting point as it correlates exactly to my personal experience - although the time between the death and the funeral is hard, you spend the time organising and being distracted from your emotions. It's after the funeral when everyone has gone home and you are left alone with your own thoughts that this becomes one of the most difficult parts. This has made me think that this is the time period I need to consider for the ritual of grief in my question. Rather than looking at the immediate aftermath of a death, I need to consider the time after the funeral when the support has decreased and emotions are still high.

In the three years after the loss of their loved one, around 85% of the participants performed individual rituals, such as lighting a candle or visiting the grave-site. More than 50% engaged in collective rituals, such as a remembrance ceremony. Both types of grief rituals were rated as moderately to very helpful. Help-seeking activities, carried out by one-third of the participants, were perceived as less helpful compared to grief rituals. This corresponds to the findings of Castle and Phillips (2003), who found that professional counselling was rated less helpful compared to sharing stories about the deceased with others. [9]

The discussion part of the paper was particularly interesting because like a lot of my other research, it confirmed that people find storytelling a very helpful part of the grieving process. It surprised me that this was rated higher than counselling. I think the informality of being able to share stories about people you've loved and lost with other people you love is a healing thing and this confirms that. I think it will be interesting to conduct secondary research in the form of a questionnaire repeating some of the findings in this study to see if my (much smaller) study repeats these findings. I love the idea of using storytelling to create new secular rituals to help people heal from their loss.

Expressing Grief Through Storytelling - Hilda R Glazer and Donna Marcum

The authors describe the use of storytelling to assist children who have experienced the death of a family member or friend. The results support the theory that children are able to use narrative to express grief and loss and that artwork can aid in the expression of both experiences. [10]

Although my project isn't aimed at children, I think there can be some valuable lessons learnt from this academic paper. Glazer and Marcum discuss the idea that storytelling encourages reaction and processing; thus, the child and adult work with the story in ways that are meaningful to the individual. Suggesting that storytelling works for both children and adults alike. This is a theme I have spotted throughout my research, the idea that storytelling is integral to the processing of grief. In a way it keeps the memory of people alive making it a key component of grief rituals that currently I think is slightly overlooked and very few formal rituals around this idea are evident. To further back up this idea, the study states:

Telling one’s story is a part of mourning. In support groups, the sharing of stories is a critical element of the process (Harvey, 1996). It is therapeutic to tell one’s story; the individual is able to verbalise the events and feelings. At the same time, when a person hears the stories of other people and hears their responses to his or her story, that individual realises that others have had the same feelings about and experience with grief and mourning. [10]

I think this idea that storytelling is important is also linked to the idea of passing on someones memory - telling people who didn't know them all about them. I know for me it was incredibly helpful telling my partner (who had never met me Nan due to Covid) stories about her and making it feel like we weren't letting a huge part of our lives go. I think the idea that this brings peace to people is beautiful and definitely a theme I want to continue with through this project. There was also a really interesting passage in the study about alternative ways of children expressing their grief which I think can also be related to adults too:

In addition, other creative experiences can help children heal. For example, an alternative to the telling of one’s own story is the use of metaphor. Metaphor is a literary technique in which one idea is expressed in terms of an- other (Pearce, 1996). The listener draws unique and unpredictable meaning from metaphor (Pearce, 1996), and metaphor can encourage the individual to consider the meanings for him- or herself. Art is another way of facilitating emotional expression. Art projects are a method through which the child translates the images and feelings into shapes and colours (Mills & Crowley, 1986). Art has the potential to make concrete what cannot be expressed verbally.

I think that a combination of story telling and alternative methods as mentioned above could be really helpful starting point for thinking about new rituals of grief in a secular sense. A major consideration for me is going to be the different methods employed and how we encourage people to use them. For example, not everyone is interested in art or they believe they can't do it so there will need to be alternative ways people cold take part in the ritual.

Legal

The Gov UK website [11] lists the steps you must go through upon the loss of a loved one. It seems like death is a very admin heavy event, if you've just lost someone you love dearly you're not going to be in the right headspace to fill in the constant stream of forms. From having to check if you need to apply to stay into the UK to having t sot out inheritance tax, it seems like a lot for immediately after a death.

It's interesting to me that one of the worst times in someones life has been reduced to admin. Instead of trying to process their grief and start to heal, people have to enter into this administrational nightmare. When as a society did we start valuing bureaucracy over emotional wellbeing?

Although there is nothing we can change during this 24 week project regarding the legal process of death, I can take it into consideration when thinking about design solutions to update the rituals of grief. For example, any ways of easing the stress or taking your mind off it may help with. successful design.

This research definitely helps me to be aware of what not to do in this project - I don't want to design something that is going to add to this burden. I want tit to be all about the person, no admin involved. People should want to engage with it and tell stories about their loved ones without this additional stress. This has been really valuable to look into as I didn't realise just how convoluted the whole system was as I have never had to deal with it directly.

Further Research

Inviting Grief into Games: The Game Design Process as Personal Dialogue

Jocoi, a game aiming at mediating the experience of loss and grief over a dead baby. Apart from being a taboo subject in general, there is no explanation for the absence of this fairly common experience in games. Drawing on the emotional worlds and tastes of individuals identifying as bereft parents, Jocoi involved a collaboration with an Austrian self-help group for affected parents. The stories of four informants then served as an initial orientation point marking out the direction of our ensuing game design process. Working out central themes, needs and concerns conveyed by the group, the aim was to address some of their emotional challenges appropriately through a game. [1]

This was a really interesting study to read in the context of my project - it gave me a lot to think about as well as certain things I want to avoid. For example, assuming that emotion can be crafted or engineered, instead it is culturally grounded and produced through interaction and acknowledgement. [2] The key take away from this is that I need to not try to engineer feelings, instead I need to help people explore their pre-existing feelings of grief in a productive and helpful way. To do this I need to learn different ways people from all walks of life deal with the rituals after grief (see research regarding religious practices) then engage design tools only after the learning has taken place.

The idea of a game was fascinating because it was not an angle I had considered. Playing a game is usually seen as a distraction method which is the opposite of what I want to do - I don't want people to forget the person they lost, rather I want them to remember them. However, the design of this game was based around the feelings of parents who had lost children and considered the idea of moving on without the person you lost. While the aim of this game does differ from mine, it was interesting to see outside the box thinking and approaching a question in a new way.

Bereavement and the role of religious and cultural factors

In this article the aim is overview of some of the key dimensions of variation in cultural and religious rituals during the immediate period after a death and in the longer term, in order to inform service delivery in multi-cultural societies. [3] I thought this would be of interest as it directly compares the cultural and religious aspects of grief and the period after someone has been lost.

Continuing bonds is a theme I keep coming across - in many religions this bond is continued by visits to grave sites, belief in an after life and storytelling about the deceased. This fits in well with my previous research which confirmed that storytelling is an important part of keeping the memory alive as well as the feeling they are still here with us. This article discusses this in relation to different religions and the cultural context for this way of mourning.

Cultural and religious expectations and customs vary tremendously regarding the management of grief, including which deaths should be marked, how and by whom grief should be expressed, how long mourning should continue, and whether and how the dead should be remembered [3]

In some religions the faith in eventual reunion has been found to be comforting [4] and the belief that one can act in ways that benefit the deceased can be a spur to charitable acts and ‘clean living’ [5]. I identified belief in the afterlife as one of the main differences between religious and secular rituals of death - the idea that when someone dies they are just gone is specific o non-religious people. Does this belief in an afterlife help people in processing their grief because in their eyes the person is not really gone - they are just waiting for them in the next life?

In some religions the process of mourning is relatively short - for example Christianity. However, in others such as Japanese culture, remembering those we have lost is encourages across multiple generations, helping people to link to their past and integrating it into the present. [6] This is interesting int the context of my project and the idea of continuing bonds because the person is never forgotten - stories are told about them long after their death. I do think there is a fine line between remembrance and dwelling and the impact of this type of remembrance has on mental health, especially for someone who does not believe in an after life, should be considered. The complex interplay of personal response and public expectation is demonstrated in a study by Lalande and Bonanno [7] who, comparing samples from the USA and the People’s Republic of China (PRC), found that higher levels of continuing bonds with the deceased at four months were related to poorer 18-month adjustment in the US sample but better adjustment in the PRC sample. Clearly this is something the changes based on location.

This article showed me that although we can group people based on traditional, religious and cultural responses, each person deals with grief in a very personal way. Community has also been shown to be an important part of the grieving process and while religion does have its faults - a clearly defined community to support people grieving is definitely one of its strengths.

I must now consider this theme of continuing bonds and storytelling along with the importance of community to develop design ideas for secular rituals for grief.

A new model for complicated grief

In 2018, Baglione et al developed a new model for complicated grief which explores the subject beyond the lens of the widely-accepted five stages of grief (Cleveland Clinic, 2022). It looks at more long-term grief and the profound impact loss has on a person beyond the acceptance phase. In this project I hope to develop a ritual that likewise extends beyond this phase, providing long-term comfort. I will test my design based on the new model for complicated grief (Baglione, 2018) with the aim to establish how helpful this will be, and at which point in the grief process my artefact will be most helpful. Here is a brief overview of the model:

From this, I will create an emotional journey map, exploring how individuals may feel while grieving (using the model for complicated grief) and at what point a ritual around memories and storytelling will be valuable to them.

Looking into the user journey brought up an interesting point – a ritual like this is more useful at the exploration stage of grief, rather than the initial fog. At this point, according to the New Model for Complicated Grief, the bereaved are still caught up in admin tasks and initial feelings of shock. I think a new ritual around storytelling and memory would be useful at the exploration stage - when they start wanting to talk about their loved one but lack the means to do so. The ritual can then be used throughout the process and become an ongoing ritual in their everyday lives.

How do we retain memories?

One explanation of why memories are forgotten is the decay theory: the longer a memory is not recalled, the more likely you are to forget it. This occurs on a ‘forgetting curve’ (Fig. 5: Ebbinghaus, 2018, the forgetting curve). As you can see from Fig.15, Ebbinghaus’ experiments discovered a sharp decline in memory retention one day after hearing a piece of information. Afterwards, the curve is softened, suggesting it is committed to long-term memory. Ebbinghaus discovered that, by repeating the information over gradually increasing intervals, the curve can be further softened (Sonnad, 2018). (Fig.6: Quartz, 2018, spaced repetition eases the forgetting curve diagram).

Remembering a loved one and telling stories about them are the main considerations in this project. Can spaced repetition be used to help people remember and record more about their loved ones? To test Ebbinghaus’ forgetting curve in relation to my project, I have created my version of the spaced repetition graph to illustrate how this theory can be applied after bereavement. I have used my initial journey map from the previous chapter as a basis for this.

Secondary Research

Ethnographic Research

A very important part of this project is going to be talking to people about their experiences of grief to inform how I use design to try and change and improve these rituals for people. I know grief is an extremely hard subject to talk about so I will be very sensitive about how I approach people. I think it will be better if people come to me rather than putting any pressure on. Therefore I have decided to put an instagram story out there and ask people to get in touch if they will be willing to talk to me about it. Here is the post:

I've put this out there now and already have a couple of responses so hopefully I will get some useful research into grief and how people think it could be better expressed. Time to write the questions...

Questions

I don't want my questions to purposefully upset people although I know it inevitably will. I need to find out about how people felt when they lost the person, what they did to remember them and grieve, what they still do now and how they think it could have been improved. I want to ask in depth questions to get a well rounded view of the way people process grief and the rituals they go through.

After receiving a few responses from people I have realised that I need to come up with different sets of questions, some people have offered to talk to me about grief after miscarriage which will be a really interesting avenue to explore. Therefore, I will come up with two sets of questions - one for people experiencing grief of a loved one they knew (for want of a better phrase) and one for people who have suffered a miscarriage.

Draft questions (relative)-

• Who did you lose and when?

• Can you talk to me about what they meant to you when they were here?

• What's your best memory of that person?

• How did you remember them immediately after they passed? (e.g. funeral, wake etc)

• Did that bring you any comfort?

• Do you do anything specific to remember them now?

• How have these rituals of remembrance changed over time?

• Do you still have any of their things?

• Do these play a part in remembering them? If so, how?

• Is there anything you wish you had done differently in remembering them?

• Is there anything you think would have helped your grieving process, even if it is not possible?

• Was there any methods you used to try and help you grieve? e.g. a journal, therapy etc.

• Does talking about them help you remember? Do you like telling stories about them?

• What would you say to them now if they could hear you?

Draft questions (miscarriage)-

• Can you tell me about what happened? (how far along you were, what the circumstances were etc)

• Have you lost anyone in your family?

• Did the grief feel the same?

• In what way was it different/the same?

• Was there anything you did to remember them immediately after they passed?

• Did that bring you any comfort?

• Do you do anything specific to remember them now?

• How have these rituals of remembrance changed over time?

• Is there anything you wish you had done differently in remembering them?

• Is there anything you think would have helped your grieving process, even if it is not possible?

• Was there any methods you used to try and help you grieve? e.g. a journal, therapy etc.

• What would you say to them now if they could hear you?

This whole project came into existence because I lost my Nan. In the previous project I explored my own grief so I think it is only right I answer the questions myself before I expect anyone else to. When I finalise the questions I will answer them myself and hopefully this will also allow me to test how good the questions are and try and improve them for my interviews.

My Answers

Who did you lose and when?

I lost my Nan a little over a year ago.

Can you talk to me about what they meant to you when they were here?

She was one of the most important people in my life. I only have my mum so my Nan played a massive part in my life growing up. I spent every summer with her in Norfolk or Germany. My Nan was the matriarch who kept my whole family close and we orbited around her house for our whole lives. She always made me laugh and made me feel safe, when I think of home I think of Nanny Pat.

What's your best memory of that person?

When I was little my Nan was babysitting me while my mum went out. I got really upset because I missed my mum and she gave me a big cuddle and said me, her and my mum were all made of the same stuff so having her there is the same as having my mum there. It's always been a lovely memory of her comforting me and remembering how close we all were.

How did you remember them immediately after they passed? (e.g. funeral, wake etc)

It was during Covid so we couldn't have the traditional funeral and wake. We had a funeral limited to 30 people which was fine as we're a relatively small close knit family. However, afterwards we immediately had to go our separate ways with no chance to tell stories about her or have the comfort of your whole family. We did make a point of having a big get together in Sheringham post lockdown where we celebrated her life, told stories, laughed and cried.

Did that bring you any comfort?

I think when you lose someone that close to you nothing brings you comfort in the immediate aftermath. I did like getting back together with my family and celebrating my Nan's life - it made me feel like we were all in the same boat. I don't think I went through the same process as other people because of the lockdown so I understand it was different. Being able to see my family straight after would have brought me comfort I think, but I didn't have that.

Do you do anything specific to remember them now?

I listen to the music she loved - specifically The Beatles and Elvis.

How have these rituals of remembrance changed over time?

When my Nan first died I couldn't listen to any of the songs she loved, or watch any of the movies she liked. Over time it has changed from sad memories to happy ones and bit by bit I'm enjoying these things again. I think at first I didn't want to talk about her or think about it but the more time has gone on, the easier it's become to let these memories back in again.

Do you still have any of their things?

Yes, I still have a bag of stuff from her house. Including all the drawings I did her when I was little, scarfs of hers, photos of us and just so many memories. I haven't been able to sort through it yet though, it's just in my wardrobe.

Do these play a part in remembering them? If so, how?

Definitely! It's all of the little things that were special between us. I can smell her house when I open the bag and immediately takes me back to being a kid playing there in the summer. I'll look at the letters sent between us sometimes and remember how close I felt to her even when I lived in Germany. I wouldn't give up these things, it would be the first thing I grabbed in a fire!

Is there anything you wish you had done differently in remembering them?

I wish I had more photos with her. As a family we always forget this but I guess that means we're more in the moment and not living it through a phone. I have pictures from when I was younger but very few as an adult. I also wish I would have asked more about her life before us. She lived all over the world and had so many interests and stories I wish we had written them down and asked her more.

Is there anything you think would have helped your grieving process, even if it is not possible?

I don't think anything would have taken away the grief I felt after losing her. One thing I did notice was after the funeral people tend to stop checking in with you. More opportunities to talk about her and tell stories to people would have been nice.

Was there any methods you used to try and help you grieve? e.g. a journal, therapy etc.

Occasionally I write letters to my Nan in a journal, telling her I'm thinking about her or something that happened. I know she will never read them but it feels like a weight off my chest sometimes when I'm feeling particularly sad. I think maybe grief counselling might have been useful as I suffered quite bad anxiety for a few months after we lost my Nan but it isn't something I did.

Does talking about them help you remember? Do you like telling stories about them?

I love telling stories about my Nan and I frequently tell Mat about her. After 30 years of being really close to someone you have a lifetime of memories with them and everything reminds me of her. Whether it's an Elvis song or movies we watched together everything brings up memories. I think telling stories about her makes you feel like they're still there and still present in people's minds. It took me a long time to be able to tell these stories without crying but I can now and I love it.

What would you say to them now if they could hear you?

That I finally understand that George Harrison is actually the most talented Beatle. And that I miss her every day and would give anything just to have one more conversation with her, on our bench with her hand gently tucked under mine.

After considering the ethical implications of this project and the emotional distress it might cause people to have to talk in depth about some of the worst times of their lives, I have decided to instead send out questionnaires to fill in in the hope of minimising this risk. The information I really need is about what is important to people after they lose someone and what rituals they perform which is all information I think I can get via questionnaire.

Here are the responses I received:

Alex.docx

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Aimee.docx

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Anon.docx

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Heidi.docx

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Ioanna.docx

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This research was extremely valuable and made me realise that there is a definite need for this project. People grieved in their own way but would have like some alternative way of processing this grief. I am more confident than ever in this project after this research.

References

[1] Merriam Webster. (2022). Secular. Available: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/secular. Last accessed 5 July 22

[2] Whitworth Art Gallery. (2021). Still Parents - Life after Baby Loss. Available: https://www.whitworth.manchester.ac.uk/whats-on/exhibitions/currentexhibitions/stillparents/. Last accessed 5 July 22

[3] Morning Live. (2022). Morning Live. Available: https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m00190w4/morning-live-series-4-05072022. Last accessed 5 July 22

[4] Gent, P. (2021). for sarah. Available: http://www.peonygent.com/shop/for-sarah. Last accessed 6 July 22

[5] Gent, P. (2021). for sarah. Available: http://www.peonygent.com/for-sarah. Last accessed 6 July 22

[6] MOTH. (2020). An Extra Place At The Table. Available: https://moth.org.uk/An-Extra-place-at-the-Table. Last accessed 10 July 22.

[7] Wiseman, E. (2017). Sophie Calle: ‘What attracts me is absence, missing, death…’. Available: https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2017/jul/02/sophie-calle-art-interview-what-attracts-me-is-absence-missing-death. Last accessed 10 July 22.

[8] Johnson, K. (2014). As Maman Lay Dying, Her Spirit Became Art. Available: https://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/16/arts/design/in-rachel-monique-sophie-calle-eulogizes-her-mother.html. Last accessed 10 July 22

[9] Huibertha B. Mitima-Verloop, Trudy T. M. Mooren & Paul A. Boelen(2021)Facilitating grief: An exploration of the function of funerals and rituals in relation to grief reactions,Death Studies,45:9,735-745,DOI: 10.1080/07481187.2019.1686090

[10] GLAZER, H.R. and MARCUM, D. (2003), Expressing Grief Through Storytelling. The Journal of Humanistic Counseling, Education and Development, 42: 131-138. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.2164-490X.2003.tb00001.x

[11] Gov UK. (2022). What to do when someone dies: step by stepWhat to do when someone dies: step by step. Available: https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death. Last accessed 12 July 22

[12] Moreton, S (2021). Where?. UK: Little Toller Books. p1-336

[13] Craghead, W. (2021). “I WANTED TO TRY SOMETHING NEW”: A CONVERSATION WITH SIMON MORETON. Available: https://www.tcj.com/simon/. Last accessed 16 July 22